January 30, 2009

Hard Workin Woman

i am not the kind of person who likes to exercise. i dont know that i ever will be. i love aerobics....when i am there. i think it so fun! so when i realized that i had to take a exercise class i thought why not! so now i have it four days a week. i keep telling my self...rachel u can do this! i seriously get my butt kicked everyday! so not only do i have this "amazing" aerobics class...i really do love it when i am in clean clothes again and my face is no longer bright red, but i also am a dance minor. i am taking my first dance class...clogging. now before you laugh i went to a dance concert...for a lack of a better word...last winter. while i really loved all the dances, the clogging ones were amazing! so i have this clogging class...and i am totally loving it! so what is my problem you say? on tues and thurs i have clogging followed directly by aerobics. so i pretty much die on those days. tuesday so one of my normal dieing days. then yesterday, wednesday, in aerobics we did a step class with a weight bar! i was thinking...this lady is crazy! then i had to walk a ton of places around campus...which is part of my everyday life now....did i forget to tell you i hate walking! lol ok maybe hate is a strong word...soryy back to my story. wednesday is country dancing day. i have been going to lessons...cause i meet alot of cool people that way. so i end up dancing from 7-10. so recap....tuesday...die...wed...this lady is crazy followed by dancing my little heart out! today...thurs...i wake up and cant move my legs! and of course with walking and clogging this morning...it hurts soooo bad! i cant even explain it!(luckily we didnt have to work out in aerobics today...test day ) oh but i am not done yet. so i had to walk to the benson building to turn in an application(that building feels like it is miles away..its not... but this is my story ") so i am walking down the stairs in the benson...dying with everystep...attempting to be carefull..well cause my boots are wet from the snow... and what happens!? I FELL DOWN THE STAIRS! I FLIPIN FELL DOWN THE STAIRS ON MY BUTT! now everyone falls in rexburg...there is snow everywhere...but i was INSIDE and i fell down like four or five steps ON MY BUTT! i was sooo embarrassed. lucky for me there was only three people around. one pretended he didnt see anything and the other two only looked to make sure i was ok. i thought working out was supposed to help you!!! not make you look like a fool...cause i did just walking...it wasnt a pleasent sight!



who knew stairs are the enemy...not me! good thing i know now though!

January 9, 2009

MY HERO

ok so i know i have only posted like 4 blogs..i think this is my fifth ...and two of them...this one included...have been pretty personal...but i guess that is what i wanted a blog for...so here it goes.

let me tell you about my hero. her name is beverly metcalf...she is 72 years old. she is my granny. now some people think of granny as a "bad word" but i do not. when i think of the word granny it doesnt bring the same emotions with it that talking about this amamzing woman brings. let me tell you some of the things that make my granny special to me. first of all my mom is a single parent...and my granny is more like a mother to me. dont get me wrong ...my mom is the best mom in the world...she just happens to have the best mom in the world too. the things about my grannys past that have given me great insight to her and helped me to become a strong woman...is that she was a single mom for a long time. my moms dad didnt work and would go missing for days, even weeks at a time. she knew she needed to take care of her family so she moved them from california back to washington to be close to family. when my granny got remarried to the man who is my grandpa...there came a time when he was not acting the way we should. she made him leave because it was the best thing for her children...the amazing part about this situation is that my grandpa left...changed...and came back asking for forgiveness...and she took him back. he never returned to his old ways. this is amazing example to me of the hard work in marriage...and how forgiveness is such a huge part. my granny worked all of her life. this is one of my very favorite pictures of her
she worked as a waitress for a long time...this is her at Bimbos...an Italian resturant...they are on strike.she is the one on the right with the sign around her neck. my granny is such a fighter...which i will come back to. my granny is not a normal grandma. she didnt take me shopping or to the park. we used to have weekends by ourselves. i think i got to go to one...she stopped doing them...i think cause my grandpa got sick. my granny used to have family over on mondays. i loved coming home from school and having a ton of my family there...mostly extended family. they would be having great conversations and there was always great food. my granny taught me that food is a thing of comfort...this may be a bad thing...but i love it.she is the best cook i know. my favorite foods are ones she would always fix for us. she always has food around. not just healthy stuff but treats! all of my friends dont call her by her name...they call her granny too. she becomes every ones granny. as i have grown up my favorite thing to do is to go to her house and watch law and order with her. she is always watching it. she says cause its always on. my granny is one of the smartest people i know. i have always made fun of my mom for her random knowledge...but didnt realize she gets it from granny. if u ever go to grannys house she is ALWAYS sitting in the same spot in front of the t.v. watch a show(most likely law and order ") and reading a book at the same time. if anyone in her family walk into her house and she isnt there...that is always the first question. " wheres granny?" she loves talking to her sisters. she also talks to some of her nieces...but it is a everyday or every other day thing. they love to gossip. i get this from her....maybe it started with our monday family visits.

in nov 2003 granny was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. like i said she is a fighter. i am not going to explain what she has gone through...it was tough...but she was really lucky in alot of areas. "normal" people with this type of cancer live for about 2 years....it has been 5! i have always known that my granny was going to die. i hate talking about it or thinking about it because i dont know how i will survive. christmas day she went into the hospital. this is not out of the ordinary. she gets to a point where she throws up and want to go to the hospital every few months...i thought that was what this is. they kept her for a few days...which i didnt like...she was out for about a day and went back in for a week. they told us that she is dying...which was nothing new....but now they say there is nothing they can do to help her. my grannys looks have changed so much in the last few years...but it was crazy to see how much she changed in just a few days. i went and saw her everyday in the hospital. i even stayed the night...the night before i left for school. she came home the day i left. i knew i was going to have to say goodbye to everyone for awhile. but how do you say goodbye to someone for such a long period of time. i know that we live with our families in heaven. i dont know how i would deal with this without that knowledge. it gives me a little bit of peace. but that doesnt make the hurt of going home and her house being sold....and her not being able to know kids or my husband...or them knowing my hero. my granny is a really tuff lady. she never really shows emotions. she isnt the kind of person to say she loves you. but she has been talking about it a little more lately...i think she is worried we dont know....which is the farthest thing from the truth. she needs help walking to the bathroom and is embarrassed by it. she was apologizing to isabelle the other day...izzy said...granny we dont show a lot of emotion towards each other in this family...i am just glad i get to hold your hand. how i wish i could be home to hold my grannys hand. as i was leaving i sat in the living room feet away from her while she slept...crying...doesnt explain it....i was sobbing. i didnt want to leave her...i didnt know how to say goodbye....she woke up a little later and saw me crying...i think she didnt know how to deal with it...cause she looked at me funny. my mom said to her....rachel is having a hard time leaving...she said think of all the fun your going to have....rachel i know you love me. i didnt know how to say all the things i was feeling. i didnt know how to tell her how much she has taught me in my life. i just sat there and said...i know but i dont want to leave you. she didnt say anything back...that is how she is. when it was finally time for me to leave i went to wake her...but she wouldnt wake up. at first i thought i cant leave washington without saying goodbye to her...but then i remembered she said...rachel i know how much you love me. i know my granny loves me too. so i kissed her on the head and left. she isnt dead yet i have talked to her a few times since i got to rexburg. but she sleeps alot. and when she wakes up she is often confused. she sounded different to me...like a little kid. i know i will be fine without her....its part of growing up...and life. i dont really like this part though. the world should never have to be without my amazing granny. i know i will see her agian in heaven. i know i will be with her again and i know she will be with me. i cant wait for her to learn about the gospel. i cant wait to be there when her work is done! i know she will take care of my future family and know them before they come her. she just had her 72nd birthday...and we had a little party. we has bimbos spaghetti and hung out....it was great! almost all of our immediate family came
isnt she lucky to have such a beautiful family and arent we the luckiest people to have had her as our granny. i know i am truly blessed to have such an amazing woman be my granny...and to be there for me...and help raise me. i hope i can become more like her as i grow in my life. i know there are parts of me that she has help to mold. heres to my granny! one of my heros!i know this is a little choppy...but it was where my emotions and thoughts were going. ")