December 20, 2008
do you ever feel like...maybe i have not lived the way i was supposed to? so honestly this stems from something a very close friend of mine wrote on his facebook about himself...he said...i wish my friends would have tried harder to convert me....WOW can i just say wow! i am a little scared to think about how many people would say that about me! some of my closest friends and family....or co-workers! i was part of that comment...he called me out of the blue and said he wanted to take the discussions....he always gives me credit....but i was almost family with him...and never taught him. i know i am a different person than i used to be...and would hope that i have more knowledge...and am more willing to teach those around me....but the word i used is hope! there are a few people in my life who are seeming to lose their faith...or have already lost it! i feel sad and want to help...but dont know how. i am on this new kick to change...i mean really live the way heavenly father wants me to....not just half way...but really change my life! i am finding out that it isnt as easy as it sounds. i know i cant go back in my life to fix the things that i messed up.....but i really wish i could give the gospel to those who would have accepted it...but didnt because of my actions or because i didnt tell them. i guess that is part of my godly sorrow....hoping and praying that someone will make up for my mistakes.....truthfully i am crying right now....because it makes me mad at myself. i have made mistakes in my life....but i didnt use those lost road the way i should have...i could have turned a bad into a good....grr rachel! i feel so blessed to have the gospel in my life....i wish everyone understood what i understand. but it is never that easy. i guess i just have to try my hardest to teach the ones ahead..in my life...i am not saying that everyone has to hear me rant and rave...but i hope that i am doing what he wants me to do...and teach those that are ready.....here is to puting my life in heavenly fathers hands to what he will with it in 2009!
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2 comments:
Rachel, I think you should give yourself more credit. You're wonderful!
Hey Rach,
I know I'm totally late on this comment, but I wanted to let you know anyway. I think you are a remarkable young woman. I think your friends are lucky to have you, I've seen how loyal you are to them. I love watching you with your sisters and your mom because it's so apparent how much you love each other.
I remember the time you pulled me aside during a dance to get my help on a sensitive subject for your good friend. I was really impressed by how cool your were about the whole ordeal, and by how open, understanding, and positively upbeat you were with the both of us. I pretty much think you're amazing!
When I was a brand new dance teacher, I lost more clients due to my inexperience, fear, and lack of skill when it came to dancing and teaching. I believed that dancing was good for everyone, and that it was worth it for everyone to take lessons. Looking back now, almost 2 years later, I've been able to see mistakes I've made, and I know what I could possibly have done to change the outcome. Sometimes I'm still sad that I wasn't able to help some of those people continue dancing because of my shortcomings. However, those mistakes have taught me more about how to teach and be successful with my students than the prior successes, and it's helped me immensely with the people that have come my way since. I guess that's the point I'm trying to make: we should be grateful for the mistake we've made in the past, and learn from them so we don't repeat them, and so that other people may reap the benefits of our experience. I believe Heavenly Father allows for experiences like this to occur in our lives for that purpose, and so that we will be ready later to help others that He will place in our paths.
I wish you a Happy New Year, and much success to you in all of your 2009 endeavors.
-Esera Junior
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